I've had a lot of time for thinking this summer. It's not that I'm doing nothing, but it seems like somehow I'm doing a lot less than I used to, even though I can vouch for doing more.
Maybe it's because I've been training my will power i.e. rationing my use of my computer and my phone for many superfluous uses.
Maybe it's because I've been under the influence just a few times and for all the right reasons.
Maybe it's because maintaining sanity at my job requires me to block out all sound and have my own thoughts.
Maybe it's because I've actually been alone this summer. Last year was fun, but dear god, I felt stifled by social activity half the time. Ah retrospect. How clear you are. And it isn't just me being antisocial. Today we all spoke about how little we've been together. It is what it is, and I think we all need it as much as we need each other.
Words words words. Sense?
All systems report a "summer funk," so keep your eyes narrowed when you become a grumpus. What was "I'm bored" two weeks ago is now a solid contentment mixed with a little curious panic about the future. Nothing to be afraid of. Just proof that thoughts are flowing like they should be. I guess I've found happiness in the fact that I'm conscious. In every small beauty or tiny mishap that I notice there's a heap of joy, because I noticed. It's quiet pride. And it's so nice to find.
P.S. Who doesn't feel like they're behind on the times, at times? I'm starting to be at peace with my lack of education in certain areas. I'm trying to pick up in others. I don't know if that's encouraging ignorance that shouldn't be encouraged or what, but I guess I trust myself to sort out priorities properly eventually.
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