I Am No Leader, I Have No Followers

To all of you out there who stumbleupon this blog by some cosmic mistake, I'm sorry there's been nothing of interest to read. Basically to myself a month in the future looking for some piece of who I am, or I guess, who I was, I'm sorry. I forgot how nice it is to type. To watch my words spell themselves out with any handwriting I choose...

I've been feeling very in touch lately. It's good that I haven't had any complaints. It's bad that I haven't just written a word in passing.

I remember making a resolution to write a song. I'm seriously working on it. I've been trying and trying. But I keep running into this brick wall also known as self-doubt. I wish it were like a matador's cape. Or at least that I had the abs to fool myself into thinking my mind is a brick wall.

It's just that I love music. And I'm disappointed that I'm not more talented. That I'm not Gomez, or Thom Yorke, or Ben Folds, Kate Nash, John Legend...I just feel like I'm writing some dumb indie shit that no one will want to hear. I sure as hell don't want to hear it. But I love to let it out.

I just want more than anything to have a chance to be on stage for a few hours of my life. I hope I never forget how much I loved Story and Song. That night I remember talking to Caryl Parker:
"I don't want this to be over. I can't believe it is. I just want to do this everyday for the rest of my life."
"Aww, well then you'll major in music."
I just need to stop telling myself that I'm not good enough. It's not that I don't want to work hard for it. I just don't know how much needs to be natural talent.

Enough.